woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
