he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
