She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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