i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
