Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize