Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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