Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
