He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
