Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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