My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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