when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
