he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize