It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
