I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
