Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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