What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
