We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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