I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We were destined to go to rehab together
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
