I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
