the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize