my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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