Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
