I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
