help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize