I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
