ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
