got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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