Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
