She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
