wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
