My brain says no but my pants say off.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
