I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
