I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
