Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize