my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
