Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
