it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize