Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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