don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
