this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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