I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
