i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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