think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
