I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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