Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Did I show you my penis last night?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
