You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
