just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
