oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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