I just threw up on my dentist
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
