I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
