You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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