You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish i was in the wii world.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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