The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
