Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
