I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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