omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish they made helmets for livers.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
birth control should be required to get into college
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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