yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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