So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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