I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
