Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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