Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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