worst night to have a conscience
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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