I wish I could teleport
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize