i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
