maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
