Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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