dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
vagina is talking i cant
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
