I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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