He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
