tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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