Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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