I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
