WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
