Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
