Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
