exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
