i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
