alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
