Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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