There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
