If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just cut my nipple shaving
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
