What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
