apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
