Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
