she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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