great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
and she was petting her beer can
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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