As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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