i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We left the knife in your bed.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
