I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize