Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
