How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
handjob tips. give me some.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
