This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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