I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
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