but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize