Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
