I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
