I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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