Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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