You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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