I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
