Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize