I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
