Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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