Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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