im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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