I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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