Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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