nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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