If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you inspire me to be a worse person
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
