how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
