Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
