She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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